http://www.sunderlandecho.com/news/Loverat-surprised-fiancee-with-30.5588306.jp
A love-rat who has fathered seven children by seven different mums has finally found someone to marry him.Teen jailed after shoving broom up youth's backside in drunken prank
Unemployed Keith MacDonald, 24, who claims he has been bed-hopping since he was 10, had his first child aged 15.
He could cost the taxpayer more than £1million in benefits by the time the children grow up.
But new girlfriend Clare Bryant believes he is ready to settle down.
Keith, who has fathered a child on average every 14 months, met his new love at Sunderland bus station in March while he was swigging lager.
Clare, 20, said: "He was drunk, but he knew what he was doing, so I said yes."
After lunch at a branch of sandwich and pasty chain Greggs in Middlesbrough, the couple met a few days later at the pub where Clare was working and she became Keith's latest girlfriend.
Clare said: "He didn't have any money after walking out on his trolley-collecting job so I got us lunch from Greggs.
"He told me that he didn't see any of his kids any more, but I wasn't bothered. I was more concerned about the drinking, or if he might cheat.
"Keith said he was a new man though, and I thought he deserved a chance. My mum and stepdad told me I was an idiot. They didn't think he'd change and told me not to let him get me pregnant."
But Keith surprised her with a £30 engagement ring. Clare has quit her job and moved into his two-bedroom house.
The couple say they are looking for jobs to save for a big wedding.
Clare insists that Keith has tried to see his children – Jamie Leigh, nine, Kady, seven, Angelis, six, Brandon, five, Matt, three, Emily, two and one-year-old Clio – but their mothers will not let him.
Keith's kids costs £60,000 a year in benefits. By the time they are all 18 it is estimated that will have totalled more than £1m.
Earlier this year, the Echo reported how the couple claimed they had to leave their rented home as it was deemed unfit to live in. Clare said she was shocked when she saw the state of their rented home in Maudlin Street, Hetton Downs.
Sunderland Council confirmed that officers from the Housing and Neighbourhood Renewal Team inspected the property and instructed landlord Dreamport Properties to carry out essential work.Awwwwwwwwwwww
http://www.thisisstaffordshire.co.uk/news/Teen-bars-humiliating-GBH-broom/article-1279566-detail/article.html
TEENAGER Jacob Charles is behind bars for GBH after shoving a broom handle up a youth's backside in a drunken prank.
The 18-year-old, who has just left St Joseph's College in Trent Vale, was at a house party in Trentham on April 13 when the joke backfired.
Stoke-on-Trent Crown Court heard Charles carried out the prank as his victim lay unconscious.
The attack left his victim having to use a colostomy bag, and his family has paid £6,000 for private surgery.
Now Charles is starting an 18-month sentence at a young offenders' institute after admitting inflicting grievous bodily harm.
Paul Spratt, prosecuting, told the court: "The defendant picked up a broom and held it towards the backside of the victim.
"In a very short period of time he realised he had penetrated the anus because when the broom was taken away there was blood on the handle.
"The victim was taken to a conservatory and left. He was still very drunk, was sick and taken to bed."
The victim, who cannot be named, was later taken to hospital, and the court heard he had been left extremely ill, embarrassed and frightened by the attack.
But he believed Charles did not maliciously intend to cause him serious harm.
Charles, of Fieldsway, Stone, was arrested about a week later. He accepted drinking too much alcohol – five bottles of beer, five cans of cider and some spirits.
Admitting picking up the broom, Charles told police: "I could not feel more horrible at all."
Amy Jacobs, defending, said: "It was a drunken prank gone horrifically wrong. It was not a case where harm was intended from the beginning.
"He was horribly intoxicated. This was immature, alcohol-fuelled high spirits." Miss Jacobs added Charles is full of shame.
His A-level results were not as good as predicted, although he was due to start a degree in biology and English at Keele University next month.
Miss Jacobs said: "He is normally polite, well mannered and well respected. This is entirely out of character."
Judge Granville Styler told Charles: "This was reckless, gratuitous and humiliating violence to a victim you knew was unconscious because of drink. You used considerable force to push the handle into him."
INCORRECTLY PLACED APOSTROPHE (probably) AHAHAHAHA. You SUCK, Derby Evening Telegraph. Possibly.
Really?
Now, bear in mind that these are entirely average magazines. I found them on the shelf next to each other and are by no means shining examples of the worst headlines available. That said though, let's break down what we have here: 
