Arf arf arf

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2548510/Sea-lion-mates-himself-to-death.html

Sea lion mates himself to death

A RANDY sea lion named Mike died of exhaustion after a marathon mating session at a zoo.

The whiskery beast had been enjoying a morning romp with his harem Farah, Tiffy and Soda when keepers noticed something was wrong.

The dad of 12 was so exhausted that he could not even get out of his pool - and had to be pulled clear by staff.

Despite receiving treatment from a vet, the 45-stone "good natured" sea lion died from acute heart failure.

Exhausting

A spokesman for Nuremberg animal park in Germany said on Tuesday: "Mating season is a common time for fatalities when bulls often stop eating for days to devote themselves fully to mating.

"For sea lion bulls with a harem this is the most exhausting time."

California-born Mike was 19 - two years older than the average life expectancy.

The spokesman added: "He will be remembered fondly."

What a pimp. Although what kind of a guy doesn't stop mid-banging to eat a bucket of fish heads?

RIP Mike
1990 - Vinegar Strokes

Double Disabled Dhursday

The bus probably wasn't short enough.

INCORRECTLY PLACED APOSTROPHE (probably) AHAHAHAHA. You SUCK, Derby Evening Telegraph. Possibly.

I think I was on the bus mentioned in the first one and, to be fair, the woman in the wheelchair was being a massive dickhead to the driver. If she was that bothered she could have just skitched on the back by grabbing the hosepipe or something. Some of them are sooo lazy.

Red nose and broomsticks

Which end?

You should probably pop that or the other reindeer will make fun of her.

This sucks

There's been an image floating around on the web for a week or so of the following headline:
Which I'm sure you'll all agree would be great. But sadly, a quick bit of digging reveals it's a Photoshop jobby. The original article is here:
http://www.advertiser.ie/mayo/article/14280

Still though, cheers to Leigh for bringing it to my attention!

Leaf it out...

Maybe it was the careers adviser trying to get the pupils to head in a nude erection.

After surgery, make sure you change your dressing twice daily.

There's that little "Girls JOUST wanna have fun" tucked away in the corner there too. But that's not nearly as mental.

Friday is crime day here at Shredlines

...and other short stories for kids.

My bet's on either Dracula or the wolfman.

I probably shouldn't poke fun at such a serious story, but really, these magazines do themselves no favours. 2 different fonts, 3 colours and capitalisation of RAPED and ENGLISH just scream 'Pulitzer'.

It just writes itself