Stuff You (Sent Me)

Today I present to you a couple of user submissions that I've sat on for a few days. Bit like yo momma then, EH?

First up is this corker from Mr. Sean Haughton of Kingston, Jamaica (or South London). The keen-eyed of you may notice that I added a bit on to the side. This is for the spack-brained of you who wouldn't have been able to figure out how the headline ended.

This is brilliant. It works on so many levels. Two levels. It actually took me a while to notice the "'SNOW DAY LINKED TO SURGE IN TEEN PREGNANCIES" bit and then it all came clear. I imagine the phrase "Ice, ice, baby" has been used countless times over the years for headlines, but I doubt it's ever fit this well.

This bad boy was submitted by Simon Poole (hehe, poo). Cheers dawg!

Old people these days eh? In fact, I've always said that old people should be killed at birth.

Wanker bastards

It seems like those liberal loons at the BBC have stolen/independently had the same idea as me. I'm sure you'll agree that the former is much more likely.

Joke's on them though, as I'm gonna steal loads of content from those chumps. Take that, dickfarts.

Pretty sure they'd be furious if they had to share a caravan with me.

This isn't that good really, you're way better off if you watch the documentary Special Needs Pets

Sounds like a REEL troubled SOLE. Hopefully EEL think twice before FINishing with his next missus. Tuna.

I also have a couple of submissions from some rad dudes that I'll get around to posting sometime soon, I'm sure you'll be on tenterHOOKS. Sorry.

So far I'm not sure how easy it will be for me to caption/comment on photos, but I took a cracking one last night:
I realise this isn't really funny and was probably quite traumatic for some bints, but I still laughed like a twat when I saw it. It's good that they pointed out they were female patients though, bad enough that he's a molester without being one of those gay lords as well.

Pluggage

You like awesome stuff right? Of course you do, else why would you be here?

Check out http://thepunningman.blogspot.com/

It's ran by a dudemeister called Sean, who has somewhat of a fondness for puns (be they funny shop names, combining words or even headlines like what you get on here - as long as they're a pun anyways).

If you don't do it, then I'll murder your family for a laugh.

CONTENT

Just to lay down some solid content, here's a load of shit I nicked from here:
http://www.oddee.com/item_96156.aspx

I'm fairly sure they just copy their content from other sites anyway, as I've seen most of these in other places. Eat me.

What a retard. Check me out with the witty captions.

Haha, "balls"

That'll be the menopause, then

Whatever, I'll do what the fudge I want

I called the pigs to let them know where Psycho Mantis is hiding

This kid is awesome. Not for saving his life, but for laying down the law afterwards.

IIS FUNNEE BECOZ IIS IRONY

INTRO

How do? Your main man murta (check the alliteration) here, with a brief introduction of what this is all about. There could well be a similar/identical blog knocking about, but balls to them because they won't have the same content as me (except when I steal theirs).

Basically, for a few years now I've been taking photos of funny/mental newspaper headlines, especially those ones you see on boards outside shop windows.

It might be easier to just show you one:

I hope Mr. and Mrs. Dumpty still enjoyed their honeymoon.

It really beggars belief that newspapers (regardless of whether they're local) deem this to be compelling news.

So if you have any examples (be it online news articles or photos of actual newspapers/whatever those board things outside of newsagents are called) then send them my way on shredlines AT murtaman DOT com

If you can't figure out why I wrote that in that particular fashion, then you can nob off.